Thursday, December 18, 2008


Last night Talia was talking about making a gingerbread house at school and I told her I had never done that. She was surprised. She said, "Didn't you ask your mom?" And I said, "You mean Nana?" And then we looked at each other and laughed because Nana doesn't cook. Ever. She can't even boil water.

Last week Nana told me she was invited to a cookie exchange. She would never have gone except it was her supervisor at work who was hosting it. She said she was just going to pick up cookies at Costco and I suggested she make these pretzel kiss things since they were just about the easiest thing in the world. I emailed her the recipe and she gathered the ingredients. Or should I say, probably my dad gathered the ingredients because my mother hasn't set foot in a grocery store in about 5 years.

It was a disaster. This is the email she sent out:

1. Call daughter Nikki
2. She makes fun of you and gives you an “easy” recipe that EVEN YOU can make!!!!!!!
3.Buy waffle pretzels…chocolate kisses…M&M’s
4. Put pretzels on wax paper (why I even have wax paper is a great question!)
5. Put a kiss on each pretzel
6. Make oven 175 degrees
7. Wait 4-6 minutes
8. Nothing is happening
9. Take picture to prove this
10.Make oven to 300 degrees so faster melting will take place…or any melting actually
11. Fire alarm goes off
12. Husband says “I told you to buy the damn cookies at Costco!”
13. It smells!!!!
14. Take out of oven and try to hurry to put M&M’s on non-melted kisses
15.Kisses crumble and all smells burnt
16. Take picture to prove attempt at baking
17. Drink a BIG MARTINI
17. Call Nikki and berate her
18. Go to supermarket and buy world’s best cookies anyway that everyone will want more than the crap everyone baked!!!!!
19. Drink a LOT of wine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then she sent out an addendum to the first email:

Actually 18A. --- BEFORE "Drinks wine!!!!"
20. Attempt to get to Cookie Party---car won't start, get charged, car stops 3 minutes later while driving - able to sorta pull into weird gas station - have Barb's cell # (THANK YOU!!!!!) - get picked up by Erica and Stacie (Thank you!!!)
Epilogue - Bruce picks me up --- charges car, starts!...stops!...starts!...stops! --- is now in front of Ben Franklin School waiting to be towed to Flemington!!!! Bruce eats half of loot on way home!!!!!!
Conclusion - Nice Jewish girls belong in bakeries and restaurants, NOT in kitchens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The photo that accompanies this post is of the batch that I made for the cookie exchange and fundraiser that I went to tonight. They turned out beautifully.
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Nancy said...

OMG, Your mom is hilarious....LOL My Mom doesn't cook either. She wouldn't even know there was such a thing as "waffle pretzels"....LOL

Ann's Rants said...

Hilarious story and great post. Those look DELISH.